Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
