last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
