Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
