It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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