the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize