I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Green mimosas i think yes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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