Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
