he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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