Having a random hookup so left but love u
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
