the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
