I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
