oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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