Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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