sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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