i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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