nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
