I just saw a hot homeless man
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
