Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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