awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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