yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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