take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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