How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
