I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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