Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
