very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
