Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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