summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
