You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
