You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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