I'm lost and stupid without you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's great music for shaving your balls
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
