I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
