Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
