oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize