did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
