i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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