In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
