How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
