so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
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