Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize