Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
