What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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