A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
