Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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