fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's like iHOP with fire
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want to fling myself into the sun
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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