May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
