the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
