I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize