gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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