I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
