You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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