you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize