What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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