I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
