I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
