"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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