Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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