I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Shame - the story of my life.
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