We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
