i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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