laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
