theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
