You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
