just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
